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Something New

3/2/2013

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My skull wrenched into pieces.  A blistering flash of light pierced my vision, though I tried protecting myself by squeezing my eyelids shut.  And then, quiet.

***

My eyes popped open, startled awake by the sound of the taxi’s tire thudding in a pothole.  I could feel my heart galloping within my chest, and I took a deep breath to calm myself.  Of all the things that could go wrong in an automobile, a heart attack seemed the most ironic.  I mean, you’re driving along, all safe and proper one minute, and then your body quits on you... and CRASH!  Sayonara!  

Cars aren’t really my thing.

I distracted myself by leaning forward, towards the driver, a middle-aged guy wearing a faded baseball cap and a grey t-shirt that definitely had seen better days.     

“How much longer?”  I asked loudly enough so my voice carried over the annoying twang of the country song he’d been humming along to.  Talking out loud hurt my brain, and I pressed my palm onto my forehead to slow the vibration.  For the life of me, I couldn’t recall the last word I’d spoken out loud, and now I remembered why.  Everyone thought I kept silent because I wanted my space.  And, yes, I wanted people to leave me alone--but, most of all, I wanted this God-awful pain to disappear.  Keeping my mouth shut helped, or, at least, it drove others away so I didn’t have to perform like a circus animal.

“We should be to Mitte in ten minutes.  You okay?”  The driver asked, his concerned eyes peeking at me from the rearview mirror.  

I nodded in response even though he’d turned his focus back to the road.  Immediately, a stab of discomfort shot up my neck.  He didn’t seem too concerned at my lack of response, and completely ignored me when I sucked in a breath at the painful movement.  His lack of concern didn’t bother me, though.  I’d reached my limit of how many times I could lie about feeling good, especially when those asking couldn’t fix me even if I told the truth.
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